What to Say (When You Call a Funeral Home) After Someone Dies

Ripple helps with the phone call today, and the ripple effects tomorrow.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably in shock—how are you supposed to make calls and decisions you never wanted to make? I’m Caroline, a licensed funeral director and the founder of Ripple. This guide gives you the exact words to say, the questions you should ask, and the permission to advocate for yourself without feeling “difficult.”

Quick note: the death needs to be pronounced (officially confirmed). For the step-by-step of what to do right away, start here: What to Do in the First 24 Hours

Step 1: You are allowed to ask (even if you’re scared to)

I know something about this industry that families rarely say out loud: a lot of people don’t ask questions because they’re afraid of pissing off the funeral director. They think, “This person is taking care of my loved one—I better not annoy them”. This is a common fear, which stems from the funeral industry’s historic rhetoric; the idea that the funeral home is the teacher and the consumer is the student, and the customer should be obedient, grateful and quiet.

But here’s the truth: you have rights and your opinions matter. Most families don’t speak up because they don’t understand the laws. They don’t understand what truly has to happen, and they assume the funeral director’s word is final.

In funeral school we were taught a mindset that shows up everywhere: C.Y.A. (cover your ass). That typically means protecting the business first, even when it’s not in the best interest of the client. That’s not how I do things at Down to Earth, and at Ripple we are here as a resource to ensure that you know you have choices. We are here to let you know that you’re allowed to ask questions and to receive honest, transparent answers.

The 60-second phone script (copy/paste)

Here is a script if to help you ask the important questions: feel free to read this word-for-word off your phone:

• “Hi. My name is ____. My [relationship], ____ , died [today/last night] in [town]. The death has been pronounced.”
• “We’re at [address / facility name]. We need help with next steps and transport.”
• “We think we want [cremation / burial] (or we’re not sure yet).”
• “What decisions are urgent in the next 24 hours—and what can wait?”
• “Can you email me your price list and an itemized estimate?”

Then choose the path below (burial or cremation) and ask the specific questions.

Step 2: Two things to know depending on burial vs. cremation

Burial

In many places, the cemetery is separate from the funeral home. That means buying the cemetery plot is a separate purchase—usually directly with the cemetery. The cemetery may have its own rules and fees (opening/closing, liners/vaults, markers, etc.).

Here are questions you should ask your Funeral Director about burial:

• “Do you work with a specific cemetery, or do we need to purchase the plot directly?”
• “What cemetery fees should I expect that are separate from the funeral home?”
• “Can you coordinate with the cemetery once we choose a plot?”

Cremation

Here are questions you should ask your Funeral Director about cremation:

• “Which crematory do you use?”
• “Where do I pick up the ashes—do you deliver them?”
• “When will the ashes be ready?”
• “What container will the ashes come in, and do I need to buy an urn now?”

Other important questions you need to ask (pricing, care, paperwork)

Pricing + transparency (yes, on the first call)

• “Can you email me your price list?”
• “Can you send an itemized written estimate for what we discussed?”
• “What’s included—and what’s optional?”
• “Are there after-hours/weekend/transport fees or other common add-ons?”

Arrangements: in-person or online?

You can ask this directly—many funeral homes can do arrangements online or by phone, and some families prefer that. It may depend on state requirements and the services you choose.

Ask:

• “Do I need to come into the funeral home to make arrangements, or can we do this online/by phone?”
• “If we do this remotely, what will you send me to review and sign?”

Care + custody

• “Where will my person be kept—at your facility or somewhere else?”
• “Will they be kept in temperature-controlled (refrigerated) care?”
• “Who is physically caring for them overnight?”

Death certificates: Many things require certified death certificates—banks, insurance, benefits, estates.

• “How do I order certified death certificates through you?”
• “Do you deliver them, or do I pick them up?”
• “How long will it take for the death certificates to arrive?”
• “How many certified copies do you recommend for our situation?”

You’re allowed to shop (in fact, Ripple encourages it)

I’ve seen this from the other side. I’ve heard funeral directors hang up and say, “Ugh, they’re shopping,” yes, they need to justify their pricing.

In what world are you not allowed to shop? Shopping isn’t disrespectful—shopping is responsible. At Ripple, we encourage you to shop because transparency protects families from over spending and debt.

The sentences that give you your power back

If you feel rushed or pressured, use any of these . . .

• “Please email that to me.”
• “Is that a legal requirement—or your policy?”
• “What are my options?”
• “I’m going to review this and call you back.”

We at Ripple hope that these tips can help you through this difficult time with practical advice

From caretaking, to preplanning to funerals; you don’t need to go it alone, Ripple is here to help.

For more advice on how to manage the death of a loved one: What to Do in the First 24 Hours