First Steps After An Unexpected Death

This is Caroline, I am a licensed funeral director at Down To Earth Funerals, and the Co-Founder of Ripple. At Ripple, we created this guide to hold space for your pain while offering clear, practical direction.

Our community is here for you: a safe Circle of Support where others who’ve walked this path share stories, wisdom, and healing. Join our community today to connect, find peer groups for sudden loss, and access more resources.

The first thing to do: Take A Deep Breath.
As I say to my families I work with at Down To Earth, “The emergency already happened”

This post is for the first hour - the part nobody prepares you for. The truth is, there is nothing to go except sit in the moment. However, if you want to do something you can certainly start on the process, just remember there is no rush.

The first question: Was this death expected or expected

First let’s discuss an Unexpected Death.

If the death occurs at home and the person was not under hospice care. You must call 9-1-1.

If they were under hospice care. Do not call 911, call the hospice nurse. Hospice will make the pronouncement this is what hospice is made for. To eliminate the need to call 9-1-1.

If you are unsure it’s best to call 911.

If you have called 9-1-1.
Do not touch or move the body.
Stay calm if possible: Answer questions, secure the space, and note any DNR or MOLST orders (DNR orders are often on the refrigerator) Have it in your hand when paramedics arrive or they may try to resuscitate. Also have organ donation wishes (e.g., on driver’s license).

One of two things will happen next:

The paramedics will call the Medical Examiner (ME) to transport the deceased to the Morgue for further examination.
Or its not a Medical Examiner’s Case, (a natural expected death with adequate medial history and a certifier available) What this means in laymen’s terms:

For example, my mother died at home. She was 91 years old. The paramedics made the pronouncement and they called the Medical Examiner. It was not expected but I called her primary care doctor who was able to establish a history and her doctor was will to sign the death certificate, avoiding having my mother taken to the morgue.

So then the case is “released” and the police will tell you that you can call a funeral home.

However, you still have the right to keep the body at home for up to 72 hours. After 72 hours, NYS requires a death to be registered (death certificate filed) by a funeral home.

As a funeral director, I have been in a situation where the police have told the family that the funeral home needs to be called right away and they will remain there until the funeral director arrives. This is not true.

2. Call ONE PERSON. Not ten people, call one.

Choose one person who is steady. The person who will show up and help the situation.

3. Arrange for dependents and pets: Find temporary care (family, friends). Courts may step in if no guardianship docs exist.

4. Take any important documents. You will need the deceased social security number for the death certificate. If you know where their will is, take that too.

5. Secure the home: Lock doors, safeguard valuables/mail, care for pets/plants. If the deceased lived alone, ask a trusted neighbor.

• If you decide to keep the body at home, turn on the air conditioning and try to keep the body cool. You can bathe them or wash their face. You can open a window. This depends on how much you are comfortable with death.
• Funeral Homes. Liaise with authorities (if the body has been taken to the morgue) start paperwork, and ease the burden—no rush on full plans yet. Ripple has a list of vetted funeral homes and we can help you find one.

Funeral directors handle much of this—lean on them.
Use checklists from govt sites (e.g., SSA, state health depts).planning resources and affiliates.

A service provides closure—many find it healing.

6. Caring for Your Heart: Emotional First Aid

Sudden loss brings intense shock, numbness, guilt (“if only”), anger, or physical symptoms (fatigue, no appetite). It’s normal—your brain protects you. The first week is often a blur.

Self-Care Essentials (First 7 Days):

• Eat nourishing food (even small bites); hydrate; avoid alcohol/caffeine.
• Sleep near routine times; rest when exhausted.
• Avoid driving/big decisions—bring a trusted person.
• Talk it out: Share stories, say “dead” aloud to process.
• Rituals for goodbye: Light a candle, write a letter, visit a photo.

Seek Support:

• Friends/family: Accept help (meals, calls).
• Professionals: Grief counselor, death doula (practical/emotional aid).
• Ripple Community: Join our Community for peer groups (e.g., sudden loss of spouse/child).

If stuck after months (no tears, isolation), reach out—counseling helps.

You’re Not Grieving Alone

These steps feel monumental, but you’ve already taken the first by reading this. Healing takes time (months to years), but connection speeds it. Explore our First Steps Guide.

With care,
The Ripple Team
Co-Founded by Caroline (Licensed Funeral Director) & Mary Matyas